Mother as a Coach
Most ladies think their husbands are ‘mama’s boys.’ 😀 Of course, most mothers may think their boys are ‘joru ka gulaam.’ 😂 जोरू का गुलाम. This is more in Asia. Wonder what the Western perspective is! But the mother’s attachment to her children is the same across all cultures and geographies. And that is not just for humans, but for all species. The only difference is that Nature demonstrates real detached attachment whereas humans remain attached lifelong if you believe in a life after death, in other realms, even after death!
Nature is the best teacher, including the art of detached-attachment.
Most of the women leaders we work with struggle with work-life balance. They carry the guilt of not being available for their children. There is a lot of fear of the value system the kids will have. At the root of it all is the attachment to the children.
We refer to a mother’s role as closest to Unconditional Positive Regard (Carl Rogers) or Unconditional Spiritual Love we refer to. That is only the closest, not absolute. Only the spiritual teacher or Guru operates from that space. Being truly selfless is very tough. But being detached-attached is a definite possibility. That is most empowering for the children. It is also freedom for the mothers. it is good for the ecosystem. It is a matter of choice.
All great leaders had great mothers. Check out Chathrapathi Sivaji, Gandhiji, Abraham Lincoln, to Amitabh Bachchan. A mother plays the most important role in molding the character and value system of a child. Her influence is beyond the formative years.
How coaching can help?
- Mother should be aware the child does not belong to her but came through her (Kalil Gibran) – detached attachment!
- She has a responsibility to mold the character of the child so that s/he becomes a good citizen later in life – beyond setting goals.
- The process is important. Successful corporate leaders to MS Dhoni, all are living proof of it!
- Quality of time is more important than quantity of time.
- Like birds pushing young ones out of nests, mothers should develop detached attachment so that there is no ‘empty next crisis’ (for men, it is the mid-life crisis in life & career!)
- They have roles beyond parenting, whether homemaker or employed. Explore that. No one demands the sacrifice of one for the other. Holistic balance is key to happiness & wellness.
As the master calls it, ‘life is a game. Play it!’ Applicable to parenting too.